After much thought, I've decided to start this blog in order to "update" everyone about what's going on in my life. Right now, that's quite a lot! As many of you know, my mother has been battling metastatic melanoma for the past 9 months. To say that the past 9 months have been rough, would be an understatement. It's been torturous at times. The whole cancer experience has been such a roller coaster ride for all of us. Good news, bad news, good days, bad days. But recently, it's all been bad news and bad days. Last Friday, at the request of my mother, a hospice nurse came to her home to talk with her and my step-dad about the kinds of services they offer. We didn't think we'd be needing their services so soon, but it turns out that we were wrong. After spending time with my mom, listening to her talk, checking her vitals, etc, she recommended that my mother go to the hospice facility to "get her morphine regulated." We thought it would be temporary and that she'd be home in a few days. We were wrong. Very wrong. Since she was admitted on Friday, she has been declining. The doctor wants her to stay where she is because they can take care of her better than we could at home. I'm inclined to agree with them.
So how do I feel about the whole situation?!?!? It SUCKS. Plain and simple, it sucks. Seeing her get worse and worse each day really sucks. Seeing all of my loved ones surrounding her bed crying, sucks. Thinking about living the rest of my life without her, sucks. The fact that my son will grow up not knowing her, sucks. Did I mention that cancer sucks?
Some friends were recently talking about the things that they're looking forward to in the coming months. The talked about the weather, going to the park, swimming, etc. All the wonderful things that come with the warm weather. But for me, I'm looking forward to a day when I'm not thinking about cancer every minute of the day. I'm looking forward to a day when I don't cry at least 10 times. I'm looking forward to living again.
But in the meantime, I'll continue to rely on the support of my family, my friends, my sweet husband, and my loving son. The sun will continue to come up each day, and my life will go on.
Thanks for taking the time to read this.
Mimi
My Mom
This picture was taken on 2/3/07 at my sister's wedding.
My Mom and my son
This was taken at his 2nd birthday party.This was before the cancer.
Mindy, Molly and Me
From Molly's wedding on 2/3/07
5 comments:
Mimi, I can't imagine how awful this is for you, I really can't. Just know that we all love you and care about you very much, and we will do anything at any time to be there for you.
Hugs & love,
Elaine
I teared up reading it. Mimi, I don't know how you stay so strong. I would be a wreck 100% of the time. You know we're all here for you and it sounds like your family is very supportive during your moms time of need.
Meems, you know I love you. The part about the anger/sadness you feel about your son not knowing your mom--- growing up without her really struck a chord with me. That does suck.
Everyone has already said it, so you know we're here for you.
{{{{HUGS}}}} and ditto what everyone else has said so far. And you know what, you don't have to be strong all the time...it's ok to let others be strong for you for awhile...
Mimi,
I am soooooooo sorry.. I am here to listen. Let it all out and cry when you damn well please. Praying for you .. Just look how much dogs bring us happiness here on earth. It only gets better with them in heaven. Let me know if you need ANYTHING! Love and prayers,Wendy
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