Almost 2 weeks

It's been almost 2 weeks since my mom died, and my feelings about the whole situation have changed. When it first happened, we were all struck with a grief that we had never felt before. I felt like I was living someone else's life because something like that could never have happened to me, and to my family. But now, I'm just really missing her. So many things have happened over the past 2 weeks that I want to tell her about. People say "Just talk to her...she'll hear you." I'm not satisfied with that. I need to really feel that she hears me and knows what is going on. For example...my 4 year old son has been having some serious behavior problems lately. I'm sure it's a reaction to everything that's going on, but I just can't handle it right now. Yesterday, I desperately wanted to talk to my mom to tell her about an incident that occurred while we were visiting with some friends. I wanted to ask her what I should do about his behavior. He's defiant and angry most of the time. Come to think of it...so am I.

I want to tell my mom about all of the cards that I've received in the mail lately. Beautiful cards with lovely sentiments from friends and family. I also want to tell her about the park bench that my friends are buying for me. I'm putting it in the backyard as a tribute to her. She loved to be outside and loved to garden. I can see myself sitting in the yard, reading a book. She would have loved that.