Breathing

Here it is, 5:45 AM, and I can't sleep. I'm not sure if it's my cough that's keeping me awake, or all the thoughts that are going through my head. Maybe if I jot down some of those thoughts, I can get back to sleep!

So here goes....

1. Cancer sucks.


2. I miss my mom already. After meeting with the minister at the church yesterday to plan te funeral service, we all went to dinner. It was weird sitting at a table with everyone (all 15 of us) without my mom being there.


3. I went to my mom's house for the first time yesterday since she passed. I walked in the back door and felt my knees weaken because the house smelled like her. I pinched my nose to force myself to breathe out of my mouth. It was almost too much to bear.


4. I read something in a book about grieving that struck a chord. Have you ever noticed that no matter how old you get, you still feel the same? I know that I still feel like the same person now as when I was 16. In my heart, I'm still the same person. Do you know why that happens? Because the soul is eternal and never ages and never dies. Thinking about that makes me smile because I know that my mother didn't really die. Her spirit lives on and I pray that I will be with her again someday.


5. The support that I have received from my friends has been incredible. I've recieved phone calls, emails, and cards from so many people. All I can say is thank you for being there for me. Your friendships mean the world to me and I love all of you very much.

And finally, I thought I'd share a picture with you. It was taken shortly after my mom was diagnosed. I like this picture so much because it includes 3 of the most important people in my life...my mom, my son, and my sister.